The Bible

Everything in this world will eventually die.

2005-02-11T06:26:34Z

Because I have no interest, nor energy to update any longer, this will be the end, possibly temporary end, of my journal. If I suddenly acquire some type of inspiration I will return to la familia de LiveJournal, but for now, this is it. If it’s one thing that I’ve noticed, no one that begins a journal ever fully stops. They may discontinue it, but they always find their way back. It’s kind of like American Eagle Outfitters. Everyone says that they never shop there anymore because it was a lame fad in eighth grade to purchase every article of clothing from there, yet no matter how much you may say you hate the store, you know you still have a pair of their jeans in your drawer, or at least a pair of underwear. Hell, half of my underwear comes from there, and I prefer wearing my American Eagle jeans over wearing my Sevens. The Sevens are cuter, but AE dominates in comfort, and lately, I don’t really care what I look like. Who do I have to impress that I haven’t already?

There is one thing I would like to say though. I am proud of myself. Proud of what you may ask? Well, a number of personal accomplishments that I believed were impossible for me to reach. I’ve come such a long way in such a short amount of time. I don’t know how I did it, but I did, and for that, I am proud of myself.

This is it. I am going. No more for now. I thought it only fair to make it clear that I will not be updating rather than abandoning it like I did the last time I put an end to this madness.

The End.

Lauren Alecia Tracy

You make me happy when skies are gray.

2005-02-03T03:08:42Z

kkthejetplane007: damnit update!

Hmmm…

This constant rainfall is making me absolutely miserable. I hate rain, and it has a mutual hatred for me. It makes my hair look horrible, it gets me wet, and it makes everything just, well, yucky, for lack of a better word. It’s been raining and/or cloudy for the past week. Gray clouds do not make the world a pretty place in my eyes. Nothing would make me happier than for the sun to come out tomorrow and brighten up my world again.

I finally joined the hundreds of students at the VCH and became ill. I stayed home from the torture chamber, otherwise known as school, today. I have an acute case of Laurenacitis, as Amy diagnosed it as. It consists of headaches, stomachaches, chills, and your throat feeling incredibly gross. I slept all day and am feeling much better, so I shall return to school tomorrow. The only bad thing is that my loving mother is going to be bitchy all tonight and tomorrow like she usually is when I miss school. I don’t know why she cares so much.

I remember when I was about five or so I used to think that the phrase “on purpose” meant accidentally, and to do something on accident was to do it purposefully. When my mom would ask me if I did something on purpose, and I would say yes, she would punish me, and I wouldn’t know why.

L.T.

What's the rush?

2005-01-28T23:49:08Z

Today marked the end of my driving experience for driver’s ed. I, Lauren Tracy, parallel parked. I can now correctly turn, stop, and remain at a constant speed. I never thought I would be able to drive… ever. So very proud of myself I am.

One thing I realized while driving, in between observing all the crazy people on the side of the road, including those driving while pointing and laughing at me, is that people are in such a hurry for everything. On my first day, I had at least twenty people speed up and switch lanes in order to pass me up, and they did it with such anger and frustration. Couldn’t they show a little patience to a car with an obnoxious driver's ed block on top of it? People today are in such a rush to do everything. We feel the need to act with precipitance before the other guy takes our place or gets what we want first. We are all in such a hurry to grow up, get ahead of everyone else, and say words that we do not mean, and it’s kind of sad. Maybe we should try to show less haste toward things. We have our whole lives ahead of us, so why not take it all in slowly and remember all these great things we have in front of us while they are still there?

Lauren A. Tracy

Road Trips with Beckaaa

2005-01-26T03:13:17Z

Yep, I’m driving for driver’s ed. I know; most of you must be thinking “Holy SHIT I’m staying off the road,” but I’m a pretty decent driver if I don’t say so myself. I have definitely improved from my previous driving incidents. Today we went to Thib. because Coach Becker, who constantly refers to me as either “Sugar” or “Sunshine”, needed to drop something off at EDW. I parked in the parking lot and proceeded to switch drivers, and as Coach Becker is walking off, some idiot in a red truck says “Haha driver’s EDDD car” and points and laughs. I naturally responded with a big “Fuck you!” Thankfully Coach Becker did not hear me. Then we went to get gas and the gas attendant smiled wildly at me for some reason. “Tiny Dancer” came on the radio, and I had the urge to sing my heart out, but I thought it would be a bit foolish under the circumstances. A few seconds after Coach and I got into a heated discussion about the importance of cell phones (him being anti-cell), Kayla called me on mine. It was kind of funny; you just had to be there. I saw an overweight kid of about thirteen with curly platinum blonde hair and a red face walking on the sidewalk. He was talking on a cell phone as a guitar hung from his neck. He kept gawking at me and wouldn’t look away, so I winked at him. He did a double take and turned away smiling. When we returned to Houma, there was this crazy guy standing on the side of the road who looked as if he had just waltzed out of the Bible. He was dressed in brown rags and carried with him a wooden staff. He had long brown hair, and when you looked into his deep blackened eyes, you could tell how sad he was. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. He was pretty good looking despite his unconventional attire. I kind of felt sorry for him, but I couldn’t help but laugh. Crazies. As for tomorrow, we’re going on a road trip to Morgan City. Woop woop.

My winter formal pictures suck horribly. The dark backdrop makes me appear paler than I already am, I’m holding my flowers oddly, and I’m slouching a bit. I liked my dress and stuff though, and my hair looked alright, and for those who were wondering, yes I did find shoes.

Morgan City, here I come.

Lauren

Have you ever heard of nylon polymer?

2005-01-23T17:56:38Z

This has been an interesting morning indeed. What I figured to be one of those Sunday mornings that carry on until 5 PM with pajamas and cereal bowls turned into a search for Spawn of Satan Pt. 2, my dog Bijou. I was in bed this morning, not sleeping, but thinking, and had been for about an hour. Chris then called and told me he was coming over to give me my flowers and umbrella from last night. He arrived at 11:11 as I am making my wish. When I opened the door, Bijou shot out of it a few seconds later. That dog, always looking for a chance to escape this house, and I don’t blame her. If I were a dog I’d try to leave too. Well, after about a minute of chasing, I decided to inform my mom that she got out. She responded with, and I quote, “OH SHIT I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!” Yep, so now I am looking out of my window laughing at this brilliant spectacle that is unfolding. Too bad Stevie, Spawn of Satan Pt. 1, is a la casa de Cameron (hullo boy) right now. He’d be in hysterical tears.

Winter Formal turned out to be all right. I enjoyed the before and after part of it more rather than the actual dance. I don’t even know why I go to these things. I just like dressing up and eating, and who says I need a dance to do that? I think whenever I am unpunished, I’ll convince a whole bunch of people to dress up and eat somewhere.

The corndogs on Napoleon Dynamite look really undercooked. It’s kind of gross.

Well, I hear ol’ B barking it up in the living room, so I assume that sadly, she has been retrieved. Damn.

All my love,
L.T.

Friday nights have been lonely

2005-01-22T03:39:21Z

http://www.collegehumor.com/news/2005-01-20.napoleon.php

Winter Formal is in approximately twenty-four hours. I have no shoes. How the hell am I supposed to find a size five or five and a half silver dress shoe in less than twenty-four hours? My flowers are pink. My dress is mauve. Pink and mauve do not match. I wanted white or cream flowers, but Chris as usual refuses to consult me about what I want… just joking, I’m sure the flowers are beautiful. Hey, at least we’re eating at Café Milano. Hell yeah.

The O.C. is so aggravating now. I either want Marissa to die, Anna to come back, or both. The actress that plays Anna has made several statements that she will never return to the show, which saddens me. After hating her for a few weeks, I began to grow fond of her, and then she just left me. Marissa is just being a spoiled little brat. Her mom is not terrible; all she does is force Marissa to go to her huge gala events and sleep with her ex-boyfriend. Not too bad if you ask me. Her clothes are beautiful, her hair is beautiful, and she is beautiful. What does she have to pout about? I’m also disappointed because I was certain that the whole Marissa being bi thing was all a hoax, but judging by the way Marissa definitely checked out Alex at the end of last night’s episode, and the previews, I have been proven wrong, but that’s nothing new. Whew, long sentence.

In a completely worthy attempt compensate my punishment, Kayla’s here with Picadilly!!! Hell YESSSS

Love,
Lauren

I Just Cannot Help Myself

2005-01-16T02:44:11Z

I am currently under house arrest due to my “continual need to rebel” as my father puts it. What to do on a Saturday night when you are trapped inside the house? Fix Easy Mac and fill out pointless questionnaires. Fuckin’ A man, fuckin’ A.

DESCRIBE YOUR
[Hairbrush]: I don't brush my hair
[Jewelry worn daily]: my huge bling-blingin' Guess watch, Burberry ribbon safety-pinned around wrist, and do ponytail holders count?
[Pillow cover]: red
[Underwear]: boy shorts baby
[Shoes]: Kelly green converse all-stars
[Favorite shirt]: Andrew Cox's old shirt from when he was like six (I know it's not technically mine but he's never getting it back, it's too comfortable)
[Favorite pants]: some retro brown plaid-ish pants from Urban, they are in need of hemming so I have not worn them yet
[CD in stereo right now]: the mix CD I always listen to when watching sunrise
[What you are wearing now]: old Abercrombie t-shirt from eighth grade, pink and purple striped pajama shorts, and cream knee socks
[Hair]: well, it's really dark, sometimes it's curly, sometimes it's straight, medium length, it's on my head, you get the idea
[Makeup]: depends on mood, always lip gloss/balm of some sort
[In my mouth]: a few Easy Mac noodles
[In my head]: my nasty little thoughts
[Wishing]: for a speedy liberation
[After this]: god only knows
[Talking to]: myself, actually singing
[Eating]: Easy Mizzac
[Your favorite movie]: Napoleon Dynamite at the moment
[Something you're looking forward to in the upcoming months]: holidays
[The last thing you ate?]: Easy Mac
[Do you like candles]: I burn them often
[Do you like incense]: the smell brings back memories that I wish I could forget
[Do you like the taste of blood]: actually I do
[Do you believe in love]: I do now
[Do you believe in soul mates]: okay don't get queer on me
[Do you believe in love at first sight]: You can fall in love with a physical appearance, but not the person.
[Do you believe in forgiveness]: I suppose so
[Anyone you miss that you haven't seen in a long time?]: yes incredibly it’s been about a week, but seems like a long time
[What's one thing you want to make happen for tomorrow?]: get shoes for winter formal
[What do you want to be when you grow up?]: I want Carrie's job from Sex and the City, seems fun to write about the quirky events in your life and get paid for it, either that or lawyer but I don't think I'm smart enough, or director but I don’t think I am creative enough for that either

<><><><><><><><><><><><>
1) Starting time: 7:00 PM on the dot
2) A Dork Called: what the devil
3) Nicknames: L.T., Cuteness, Torence, Laur, Little Lauren, Big Tracy, Elli, I was briefly called Ren, oh can't forget Shotgun, and the lovely and beautiful Megan Chiasson calls me Luey which is the best nickname in the world, and my dad used to call me Lolly and I wish he still did because it made me feel cute
5) Home town: Houma, Louisiana
6) Grade: 10th
7) Breathin Since: July 10, 1989
8) Age: 15
10) Hair Color: let’s just call it dark brown
11) Eyes: dark brown in the middle and lighter brown around the edges
12) Height: 4'10" biotch
13) Siblings: Stevie, the first spawn of Satan
14) God Made Me: so I'm told

------------------Favorites-----------------

35) Shampoo: Garnier Fructis
36) Soap: the full name is: got2b Spa Body Foaming Latte Apple & Soy Body Cleanser
37) Colors: Kelly green, but I am currently having an affair with purple
38) Day/Night: I like the nightlife baby
39) Kind of music: rock
40) Favorite Soda: Mountain Dew, but I usually don’t drink sodas unless I have to
41) Favorite Drink: Smirnoff Ice
42) Favorite Car: any vintage luxury car
44) Favorite Radio Station: don't really have a favorite there
45) Favorite Site: Google, the possiblities are endless
46) Favorite subject in school: any Social Studies subject, used to be English but I have been discouraged in that area thanks to the evil Mrs. Wilder
47) Least Favorite Subject in School: Math
48) Favorite Sport: are you kidding me?
49) Favorite Video Game: don’t play video games
50) Favorite Band: Third Eye Blind is the only band that has never made a song I didn't like
51) Favorite Restaurant: it's all about the Picadilly
52) Favorite Movie: you already asked this
53) Favorite Place: anywhere but my house
54) Favorite Holiday: Christmas
55) Lace or Satin: satin
56) Favorite Place to Chill: in car with someone else driving
57) Favorite Ice Cream: I don't like ice-cream (I know I'm crazy)
58) Favorite Cartoon Character: Betty Boop

---------------Friends & Crushes-------------------

59) Have a bf/gf: something like that
60) Loved Anyone: yes
61) Who's the Loudest: Candace is fucking loud
62) Shyest: Kayla Fincher around new people
63) Nicest: Kayla Hebert
64) Funniest: Nat and Miranda together always make me laugh
65) Craziest: Cara in the sense that crazy = insane, love you Cara
66) Who do you go to for advice: depends on the advice needed
67) Who do you cry with: never let 'em see you cry
68) Which friend lives the farthest from you: Ashley lives in Florida
69) Talked to someone you have a crush on: everyday
70) Missed someone: so very much
71) Hugged someone you like: of course
73) God/Devil: gee, how can I possibly choose

----------------Misc.--------------------

77) Who named you: Mom, I'm named after Ralph Lauren perfume
78) When was the last time you showered: last night
79) What is right next to you: a wall
80) What are the last 4 digits of your phone number: 8554
81) What is your computer desk made out of: wood
82) What was the last thing you ate: for the millionth time, EASY MAC
83) Who do you want to spend the rest of your life with: it's a bit soon for me to know that
84) How many buddies do you have on your list: 170, I recently went on a "delete all the old unused screennames" rampage
85) Hows the weather right now: perfect, cold and sunny
86) What's the weirdest thing you've ever eaten: a Cricket-Lick It (cricket inside of lollipop)
87) How do you eat oreos: twist it apart carefully so that the frosting only goes on one of the cookies, eat the frosting, then the cookie that had the frosting on it, then the other unloved cookie
88) Are you to shy to ask a gal out: oh you know it baby
89) If you could change your name, what would it be?: I wouldn't want to; my name goes perfectly together
90) What will your first son's name be: Damien
91) What would your daughters name be: Kate, after the Ben Folds song
92) Do you like scary or happy movies: no preference
96) Boxers or Briefs: god I love boxers
97) Bacon bits or Croutons: neither, yuck
98) How long can you hold your breath: 45 seconds
100) Disney World or Disney Land: never been to Disneyland
101) Do you do drugs: drug free that's me
102) Have you ever been skinny dipping: yes, quite liberating I must say
103) Do you make fun of people: no, I'm usually the one made fun of
104) Have you ever been convicted of a crime: I don't think so
105) One pillow or two: I am anti-pillow
106) Pets: dog, Bijou, the second spawn of Satan
107) Piercings or Tattoo's: piercings, I love guys with lip rings
108) What's your bedtime: never had one, bedtimes are for pansies
109) Adidas, Nike, or Reebok: Puma
110) Most embarrassing moment: any experience where Dr. Clarke was involved
111) Do you attend church regularly: not anymore, suckerssss
112) What do you look for in the opposite sex: appearance- black hair, pale skin, tall, lanky but still looks like he could hold his own in a fight, facial hair is a plus, and has to look cute when smiling; personality- intelligent funny sweet honest charismatic affectionate thoughtful and courageous... I'm picky.
113) Favorite Quote: “you only live once”
114) Can you swim: like a fish
115) Do you like to swim: yes
116) Do you have an accent: I don't think I do but people from other areas of the country will tell you otherwise
117) Do you have a job?: I wish
118) Do you prefer pools or oceans: oceans, wide and free
120) What's better boys or girls: boys, girls are bitches (myself included)
121) Do you sing in the shower: I'm always singing when I'm alone
122) Who's the best looking person: in the whole world Ryan Adams
123) The best way to die: instantly in a car wreck
125) Have you ever called a 900 number: wouldn’t that be an 800 number?
126) Gold or Silver: in terms of jewelry silver, because pale people cannot pull off gold jewelry very well
127) Would you ever go bungee jumping: hell no
128) Would you rather be short, tall, or semi-tall: if I could be any height 5'5"
129) Do you enjoy reading: yes
130) Which Winnie the Pooh character is your favorite: Piglet was always a cutie, but I do remember being four and wanting to tap some Christopher Robin bootay
131) What was the last movie you watched: Fahrenheit 451
132) Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: no, I clutch pillow when lonely
134) What is your sign: Cancer
135) What are your personality traits: I don't know how to describe myself
136) What is your biggest fear: someone's finger getting stuck in belly button, being alone, natural disaster, being stabbed
137) What movie do you really wanna see: Garden State, heard it was good and I like Natalie Portman
138) Who is the least attractive person you know: it wouldn't be nice of me to say
139) Optimist or Pessimist: pessimist, wish I could be more optimistic
140) Would you ever have cosmetic surgery: nose job, never anything else
142) What do you think of people who drink: I don't care if they do
143) People who do drugs: "
144) Better to cry or laugh: laugh, who wants to cry?
145) Do you think men and women can ever be just friends: yes I can't see why not
146) Do you bite your nails: when I'm bored or nervous, I just sort of nibble though I never actually bite them off
147) What's your worst habit: making bad decisions and not considering the consequences of my actions
148) Did you ever cry over someone of the opposite sex: I used to do it frequently before I realized he wasn't all that great and I was wasting my time
149) Who in your life is your biggest role model: Sarah Jessica Parker
150) Who was your first crush: oh my Ricky, where are you now
156) What time is it now: 8:24 PM (I took a few breaks)

Now wasn't that fun? I bet you guys enjoyed that throughly.

L.T.

It's the End of the World As We Know It, and I Feel Fine

2005-01-13T23:14:59Z

Today felt like a dream. Not even a dream, more like a nightmare. I’m fed up with all of this talk of the apocalypse. I do not have Mrs. Bergeron as a teacher but I have overheard a number of things that she has spoken about from several of her own students, and I do not like what I hear. I typically do not believe “end of the world” hype. I don’t even believe in heaven or hell, but my reliable intuition is telling me that all of what she is preaching is true. I’ve also been having this morbid sense of death approaching me. Lately when I do something, I automatically think without giving it any thought, “This is the last time I’ll be doing this,” and I think about what I just said and freak out. Why would God want to wreak havoc on the earth anyway? What did we ever do to the guy? Maybe we are just helpless casualties in a never-ending divine battle between God and Satan. The future may be disturbing, and it may be unpleasant to speculate the horrible things that may possibly occur, but it is inevitable. All we can do is wait for something to happen, an absolution, perhaps.

Yes, I have gone insane.

There are so many people’s voices that just annoy the hell out of me. God. I hope my voice isn’t annoying. It probably is.

I’m going to attempt to take solace in a bowl of Spaghettios and study for my four tests that I have tomorrow. I may possibly hang myself also. Just look for me hanging barefoot from the left tree in front of my house with the Ryan Adams “Wonderwall” playing on repeat at maximum volume. I’d have a white peasant skirt on too, to give off a facade of innocence. What a charming visual that is.

Until next time (if there is one),
Lauren Tracy

So Many Questions Going Unanswered

2005-01-08T04:57:24Z

I love it when people apologize. Mrs. Wilder bitched me out for giving her an incorrect answer yesterday, and this morning when I saw her in the hall, she told me that she was sorry for snapping at me and that she was wrong. It made my day so much better by knowing that a teacher cared enough to tell me she was sorry. Sometimes I can really underestimate people. Beneath the unpleasant exterior of many individuals, there are great, beautiful things inside of them. I really wish I had the power to know what other people are thinking at all times.

Question #1: If you could obtain any super power, which would it be?

Question #2: What color dress should I wear to Winter Formal?

I want a black dress, but everyone wears black, and I hate wearing stuff that looks like what everyone else is wearing. I love mismatching and being bright, but lately I’ve wanted everything on me to be black or gray. Myself, being “exceedingly pale”, cannot handle so much darkness.

Question #3: Gray or grey?

Much love,
Laur

I Just Want Some Fucking Binders

2005-01-04T02:37:49Z

I hate the fact that nothing good can ever come without a downside. The good can definitely outweigh the bad, but the bad will always exist in any situation. I’ve been feeling so happy, but in the past hour I have become negative.

I just realized how much I’m going to want to kill myself tomorrow morning. God I hate school. Trapped like a rat I tell you. That’s what I am. All I want is freedom from the daily scholastic routine. I like being able to sleep when I want, eat when I want, and pee when I want. We’re so restricted at school, and we don’t deserve to be. It has improved, though, from standing in two lines, separated by gender, and being told whether to go into the big bathroom or the little bathroom. Overall, I was satisfied with my holidays. The only thing that I wish was different was the length of time. It certainly didn’t seem like two weeks.

My mom is being Super Bitch right now and refuses to drive me to the fucking Rite Aid to get some binders for tomorrow. I threw my old ones away as a part of the middle of the year ritual. I can’t believe it’s the third nine weeks already… makes me happy. I have only two and a half more years of this crap until I’m out of here. I’m looking quite forward to it. One thing I am not looking forward to is seeing exam grades. I am certain that I did poorly on them. I just didn’t feel like studying. If I don’t study for a few exams, will it really make a difference in the whole scheme of things?

Will anything really make a difference, at all?

Lauren

Ringing In the New Year at the Holiday Inn

2005-01-02T07:32:37Z

My New Year’s Eve was insane. I was supposed to go to some party, but instead I found myself staying in a room at the Holiday Inn across from Vandebilt. It’s funny the way things work out sometimes. Lots of other stuff happened too, but it’s all a part of a very long, complicated story that I’m sure will bore you to death. Despite a few heartbreaking details, it was one of, if not the best, New Year’s Eves/Days I’ve ever had. If the saying “how you spend New Year’s Eve is how you’ll spend the rest of the year” is true, then it will be one of the best years of my life.

I nearly killed a car full of people this week. Natalie allowed me to drive The Lancer around Summerfield. I thought that since I knew the neighborhood well, it wouldn’t be much trouble, even though I had never driven on an actual street before. As I was beginning to feel rather confident in my driving abilities, a fricken police car approaches from the opposite side of the street. I freak out, and my reflexes are to hit the brakes as hard as I can while attempting to put the car in park. The car made an angry sound until Nat reached over and did something to make it stop. After that, she continued to allow me to drive. At every turn, I almost killed us or ran into something. We decided to go to my house. We were one street down when I saw my worst nightmare: an adult house party. I see millions of cars parked to the left where I had to turn, and an SUV coming straight for me from the right. I didn’t think I did that bad of a job getting through it all, but everyone in the car agreed that we almost died three times. Whatev.

L.T.

What the flip was grandma doing at the sand dunes?

2004-12-30T06:13:22Z

My great-grandpa turned ninety years old today. A man who has smoked almost all of his life, and dipped, turned ninety. He’s healthy too; there’s nothing seriously wrong with him. He’s a bit slow when it comes to walking, but what elderly person isn’t? I hope to never get old and to die at the age of forty, or after I see my first grandchild, whichever comes first, which will probably be the latter unless my son is a man whore (my daughter will be on birth control by age fourteen). When people look back on me, I want them to see a relatively young face. I never want my hair to turn gray, I never want to have wrinkles, and I definitely do not want to witness the death of my husband. So many people believe that they cannot live without their boyfriend/girlfriend. Imagine living without a spouse. It must be sad. I do want to witness the death of my mother and father though, hopefully not anytime soon. We would be dirt poor without my dad, and if my mom weren’t alive, who the hell would do my laundry?

Colin Farrell isn’t attractive anymore. On Letterman tonight he wore a denim shirt and denim jeans, such a blasphemous fashion no-no. He has overdone the whole bad boy image too. I do like his accent though.

No one understands my fashion statements. My latest one is that you don’t have to be punk or goth to wear black nail polish. No one understands it. It’s totally backfiring. It only leads people to believe that I am punk.

What is the purpose of a mathematician?

Lauren

Make yourself a dang kay-suh-dill-a

2004-12-28T05:48:18Z

I am so upset. I just want to SCREAMMM...

...but I shall refrain. Crummy night, just ever so crummy. I thought it would be a good one, but no, crummy, and quite lonely. At least I had Napoleon Dynamite to watch, and Family Guy and all.

Why can’t I ever win? Someone always has to top me somehow. Even if they aren’t trying, they top me. How do they do it? What did I do to deserve misery and loss?

I wish my name were Kelly. I think I’ll find a guy with the last name Green, marry him, and call our daughter Kelly Green. Yes, that is what I will do.

My life would be nothing without television. Seriously, I cannot imagine how people lived pre-T.V. I bet I’d be really smart if the television were never invented. I would write constantly. I would do a little bit of drawing and reading too. Actually, it doesn’t sound too bad, but I do love my O.C. and my Sex...

...and the City.

I know; I’m humorous.

Tracy

God please bring the... snow?

2004-12-25T22:32:50Z

I finally got my white Christmas. Happiness is at an all-time high right now. It SNOWED. I held snow, ate snow, walked in snow, and threw a snowball, all in South Louisiana, on Christmas of all days. I also ended up seeing the Rugrats Christmas special last night.

All I want to do right now is go ride around New Orleans giving food to the poor. I don’t know why, but I had this reality check while I was visiting with my relatives. I realized how incredibly lucky I am, how lucky we all are. I am receiving ten more things than I really should, I’m surrounded by family, and simultaneously, there are people searching for food in the freezing cold, people that have bigger hearts and warmer personalities than I do. Where is the justice in that?

On a more selfish note, I GOT MY DIGI CAMMMMMM!!!!! It’s a way cheaper version of the Sony Cybershot. The real thing that’s on the Steve Tyler commercials is 500 bucks, and if I wanted an Urban Outfitters Christmas, then that was out of the question. I also got a DVD player. Isn’t that some kind of rule? No more than one electronic per holiday? Hmm… oh well, I have no complaints. I also got Napoleon Dynamite, which I was dying to see and never came to Houma, and lots of other crap, mostly from Urban. I'm thinking maybe best Christmas ever?

Merry Christmukkah,

L.T.

Merry Christmas Eve

2004-12-25T21:43:11Z

(I wrote this entry last night, but didn't have a chance to actually post it.)

I want it to snow. Nothing would make me happier. I hate living in the South. I HATE IT.

I miss hearing Coach Malone talk. The holidays have just begun and already I miss an aspect of school. I think I’m the only person that feels this way, but I love hearing him talk, not just because he has an exceptionally cute voice, but because I like what he talks about and how he speaks. World Geography is the one class where I don’t daydream because I am genuinely interested in it. He’s one of those teachers that really love the subject they teach. I love his enthusiasm, and I love how he always manages to include the word “crap” in his lectures, whether it is the word itself or combined with parts of other words (i.e. “craptastic”, “craptacular”).

I met one of my mom’s old guy friends from high school this morning. He came over to give her a bottle of wine for Christmas. I got the usual “Wow you look EXACTLY like your mom!” thing. For some reason it has always makes me feel special when adults tell me that. I don’t want to look like her when I’m older, but it just makes me feel cool for some reason. I find it easier to talk to adults than people my age. I feel more comfortable around them. You know they have no expectations of you to be “cool” because you’re just a kid.

Going sleep for the first time in like forty hours,
Lauren Tracy

Is a candy cane so much to ask?

2004-12-23T23:13:10Z

When I get older, Christmas at my house will be huge. We will never have an artificial tree; we will go out every year and buy a real one. There will constantly be fires going in the fireplace, there will be a million lights in the front of the house, and hopefully I will live up north, and it will snow. I’ll have decorations all over the house, and have a bowl of candy canes always filled to the top. I will DEFINITELY have mistletoe on every door in the house. I love the concept of mistletoe.

It hasn’t felt like Christmas here ever since my mom won our artificial tree in a silent auction. It’s a beautiful tree, but my favorite part of Christmas was going to Rouses and picking out a new one every year. It also doesn’t feel the same without my grandpa to dress up like Santa Claus and hand out presents to my cousins and me on Christmas Eve. He died around this time last year. It should be hard for my grandma. I also miss watching the Christmas specials of cartoons on Nickelodeon when I was younger. I loved the Rugrats one the most. I wonder if it will be coming on this year. If anyone knows if it is, tell me. I desperately need to get in the Christmas mood.

My mom called me "sweetie" last night. Weird.

Lauren

And I remember you and me used to spend the whole goddamned day in bed

2004-12-21T05:51:29Z

Well, now that I have returned from my two month hiatus, and have posted my returning entry, I have no idea what to write about. I pulled an all-nighter last night, which I have always wanted to do the night before an exam. I was so fucking wired at school. It would have been even better with something from Starbucks. It was a beautiful morning with my ideal weather: cold and sunny. This feeling of liveliness and optimism lasted until I turned in my biology exam (which was simple because it had a “TARC style word bank”, as Coach V said), and I soon dozed off. Next thing I know, I feel someone tug on a lock of my hair. I look up and discover that the culprit of the heinous crime of waking me up was Jessica Antill. I take a glance around the classroom in order to regain consciousness of my surroundings, and everyone is looking at me and laughing because my hair is tousled and misplaced, as it usually is when I wake up. When I got home that afternoon I fell asleep on the couch watching A Muppet Christmas Carol, a wonderful holiday classic. I was disappointed that I wasn’t able to stay awake throughout the entire film. During the afternoon I was awoken several times by my dog Bijou. She licked into my tub of rainbow chip frosting. Can you believe that annoying little ravenous beast? I wish we wouldn’t have found her when she ran away. I say that if an animal runs away, let it go. It obviously isn’t content in its living environment if it runs away, so why make it suffer? My mom woke me up at eight to tell me that dinner was ready. Not counting my minor cat nap, I spent twenty-six hours without sleep, which is a new record. Now I am off to return to my normal sleeping habits.

L.T.

Where you are is where I want to be.

2004-12-19T20:28:16Z

I can’t believe people actually looked this thing up and commented on my last entry. Either I’m just that good of a journalist, or the youth of America suffers from more boredom than I thought. My low self esteem and I will go with the latter. I also cannot believe that I actually helped people and that they were interested in what little Lauren Tracy would have to say. That’s powerful stuff, man. Let’s see now, where was I...

When I last wrote, I was at one of the lowest points of my life. Chris and I had broken up, and of course that was the end of the world. Little did I know that it would only be the beginning of something wonderful, which is a little thing that I like to call “independence”. I had not experienced such a feeling since I had met Chris, because for the longest time I was the glue to his paper. I really do love being merely friends with him. It’s way more fun and less dramatic that way. It’s also nice to have separate lives; he does his thing and I do mine.

My thing is way more fun though.

Here are some events that I have been through since I last wrote:

1. Dying my hair: I dyed it the closest to black it has ever been. It’s kind of faded away now, and even though a number of people don’t like it, I love it. You know how when you dye your hair and people look at you oddly and are like, “Did you dye your hair?” and you respond with “Yes,” (as if you would respond with anything else) and they just look at you and smile and nod? Well, that’s what I would get. Sometimes I would get “Yeah, it’s cute,” but I could tell they were not sincere. Doesn’t matter though, because I love it.

2. Running away: Yes, I finally broke down and did it. I had a good reason this time, but I don’t wish to share it with the public. I stayed at Nat’s house for a little under a week, having nothing but the shoes and jeans I had on that night, a few shirts, a CD player, and a biography on Sylvia Plath that I had to read for school. During that time I learned that there is no place like home, whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing. My parents and I grew closer from the experience too. I think they understand me a lot more and they realize that I am a person whose feelings get hurt and who can only take so much.

3. Getting suspended: Haha, yes, the girl that only got her green light moved to the yellow light ONCE in kindergarten over a misunderstanding, and two detentions in her whole life (one in fifth grade for drinking out of the wrong water fountain and another in ninth grade for being tardy too many times), got suspended. You and three friends have a few good laughs rolling a girl’s house and writing a few choice words in her driveway, and the school goes ballistic a month later. It’s not like I meant what I wrote on her driveway. I’ve never even spoken to her before.

Damn. I promised myself this wouldn’t be a long entry, but I just have so much to say. Sorry guys.

L.T.

Boys like you should come with warning labels.

2004-10-27T01:45:05Z

Well, it's finally over.

Nothing is important; nothing is real. The world is one big moveable painting. Our lives are like books, and we can either read those books, or write them. Those who write are those who are in control of their lives and know exactly what is going on. Those who read are able to predict what will happen next, but they never really know what is going to happen, nor do they have any control over what happens. I need to stop being a reader and doing things according to other people, but it difficult because I don’t know what I want.

I didn’t go to school today. I needed a “mental health day”, if you will. Plus if I would have gone I would have probably punched a few faces, and nobody wants that. I awoke around eleven and watched Secret Window again. Johnny Depp is such a great actor, because not only is he beautiful, he is talented as well. He seems like he would be really smart. I then watched Forrest Gump, and cried during the scene where he talks to Jenny at her grave, as I usually do. My mom baked cookies, but they sucked. Right as I was about to go pathetically sulk alone in my room, I hear the doorbell ring. I thought that it would be the little neighbor kids coming to play with Stevie, but to my surprise it was my G Baby, Natalie Worsham. She came to console me; she knew I wasn’t doing too well. We talked about stuff at my place for a bit, then rode around for about an hour or so and listened to old songs from the eighth grade. I do believe that everything will be all right, eventually.

Laur

Gotta Love Mother Dearest

2004-10-26T02:49:01Z

I am currently under punishment for the following reasons:

• I threatened to cause physical harm to my mother (fear not, I did not use an object that can be found in your everyday kitchen).
• I failed to call my mother after I had been gone for four hours; I had told her I would be home in a half an hour.

Now I have nothing better to do than watch reruns of Viva La Bam and write journal entries that I won’t be able to post for another few days, or until my parents feel generous and connect the internet modem back to my computer. Because I made a vow to not complain or whine in my journal, I will review the various activities that I have done during school hours the past week.

Activity #1: Viewing the Made-For-Television Film Version of “Animal Farm”

Talk about the book being better than the movie. Not only were the few actual actors in the movie horrible, but the special effects were atrocious. Old Major’s skin was too loosely attached to its mechanical body. I also did not find it necessary to have numerous close-ups on the pig’s disgusting, wet snouts for 75% of the movie.

Activity #2: Breast Cancer Awareness Week

Breast cancer is a serious problem that affects millions of women… and MEN? How on earth do men attain breast cancer? They lack the part of the body that the cancer forms in. I suppose the men that get it must be extremely large and have man tits (I despise the word “tits” just as much as the next girl; I apologize for the use of that phrase). The video that was shown was a bit too graphic for girls of our age group. Not only did they show actual breasts, but they picked the nastiest ones in all of America, and not only did they show one pair, oh no! We saw many different shapes and sizes. It was very, very gross.

Activity #3: Sex Week in Religion

I just love sexual abuse week. Mrs. Hansen takes it so seriously; every time she begins to talk about it her voice transforms from spastic animated to melancholy solemn. I personally think she was a victim of some kind of sexual abuse. Such a touchy subject it is.

Activity #4: Teaching My Biology Class How ATP Stores and Releases Energy

Wow. Being a teacher is really tough. I always thought it would be a breeze until I actually had to do it. I wanted to impress Coach V, and even though I absolutely blew it, I believe my mission was accomplished. I didn’t understand the material that I was teaching, and I wasn’t fully prepared to speak in front of everyone. However, I was equipped with printed notes for the class and a poster illustrating the ATP to ADP process, so I received an A+. Oh yeah, and he WINKED at me after he asked me questions! O-M-G.

So what have I learned this week? See the animated versions of films in cases where animals are 99 percent of the cast, substitute obnoxious live breasts with modest animated ones when trying to demonstrate self-breast examination to young girls, yell “Rape!” when someone gives me a “bad touch”, and always make posters for science projects.

Yours truly,
Lauren

This could be the end of everything, so why don’t we go somewhere only we know?

2004-10-18T21:47:23Z

Last night, I could not sleep. I had quite a lot of things on my mind, confusing things. I decided that I would write a journal entry, as I would have normally done during the countless summer nights that I spent as an insomniac. Then, finding myself with no inspiration, I decided to spend time actually reading my journal. I spent two hours, beginning with my introductory entry and ending with the most recent, reading the whole thing. It is interesting to observe how much things have changed in the last few months. I wrote of people that I barely speak to these days, and I wrote of things that will never change, such as my corrupt relationship with Chris (yes, I am overcoming my fear of stating his name in here). I feel nothing like the girl that started keeping up this thing last May. I’m progressively becoming a generally sad person. My journal used to sound quite happy and fun, then it gradually began to sound more whiney and sad. Well, I’m sick of whiney and sad. How does one make herself happy? I could seek therapy, I could force myself into an attitude adjustment, or I could make a change. I have negative feelings associated with change, but it is sometimes necessary for a person’s mental health? I feel as if I am dying a slow death that gets more painful with each day that I remain alive. I cannot continue living this way obviously. I’m confused, and I have no idea how to handle anything anymore. I just want everything to slow down.

I also played my old Third Eye Blind CD while I was reading my past journal entries. It, too, put me in a nostalgic mood. I actually listened to the whole thing, including the song “London”, which I held a grudge against and would skip over every time I played the CD. It turns out that I can relate to the song very well right now. Every single world is exactly how I feel. I haven’t exactly figured out what “London” represents in my current situation, however. Then again, I’m not even sure of what my current situation may be. Only time will tell.

Lauren

Who knows how long he can go before he burns away?

2004-10-16T02:21:48Z

It’s Friday night. I am alone, with the exception of tears and Sour Straws. While most of you loved people have lives and are spending your time with friends or significant others, I’m being ditched by both... again. I’m not trying to complain, but wouldn't you be upset if the people that are supposed to be important in your life are constantly excluding you? When someone tells you, “We have to do something because I missed you last weekend,” (he failed to include me in his plans on Friday, and Saturday night I was sick), then you naturally expect that person to make an effort to do something the following Friday. Well, around six this evening I received a phone call, which went something like this:

Him: What are you doing tonight?
Me: I don’t know, you?
Him: I don’t know; no one’s answering their phone. Call me if you make plans okay?
Me: Okay.

He ended up making plans with two other friends, and guess what? I wasn’t invited because I was being “bitchy”. I don’t know how I was though. I told him I was sorry that his friends weren’t answering their phones (I genuinely was sorry; when he isn’t happy, I’m not happy), and he asks me why I’m being weird. It seems like everything I do is wrong or stupid when I’m with him. There is also this major clash with our personalities. I hate change; I don’t cope well with it. I feel uncomfortable if things don’t stay the same. He, on the other hand, is like a nomad, wandering from place to place. His need for diversity in life is incapable of being satisfied. He has to be in a different setting, with different people, all the time. In other words, he is easily bored, and I am easily amused. We come from two completely different sides of the spectrum, two sides that can never entirely identify with one another. As a result, I constantly feel hurt and worried. My greatest fear in the world is losing him again, and I feel like we’re quickly drifting apart. All I want is for things to be like they used to be. I miss spending time with him. I miss seeing his masculine eyes and human teeth outside of school, I miss witnessing him laugh silently, and I miss him getting cozy on me.

As for the other person, I invited her over tonight. She made plans with her boyfriend instead I assume. I haven’t spent a weekend with her in, God only knows how long. It really hurts that she can’t just set aside one night to spend time with me. I miss her, too. I miss quoting Surreal Life Season Two with her in person, I miss witnessing her subliminal actions, and I never thought I would say this, but I miss hearing her babble.

It makes me wonder if anybody really does care, at all.

Unconditional love,
Torence Lacy

P.S. It’s just a little pathetic when your eight-year-old brother has more of a life than you do. However, that life consists of playing video games with a boy whose last name is Head and has a fear of walking on the heels of his feet when indoors, so it’s actually not all that dismal.

The Ten Commandments of Lauren Tracy

2004-10-12T23:03:15Z

Today I took my religion exam, and it was easy as hell (if hell is easy). After studying the first five books of the Bible, I have decided that I should form a few general guidelines for being myself. I have composed the following list of principles and I declare them The Ten Commandments of Lauren Tracy:

1. Thou shall not complain of anything of little or no importance (hunger after having eaten an hour ago, depression, boredom, etc.).
2. Thou shall always possess usable lip gloss/balm within a 10 foot distance or less.
3. Thou shall not voluntarily listen to rap (with the exception of rock/rap bands such as Chronic Future or 311), or country (with the exception of Tim McGraw. He’s not half bad.)
4. Thou shall not strike or threaten thy mother using objects that can be found in the everyday kitchen.
5. Thou shall complete a minimum of fifty sit ups everyday.
6. Thou shall not inform thy boyfriend that he has bunny teeth or girly eyes.
7. Thou shall shave thy legs in a maximum of three day intervals.
8. Thou shall not be envious of others for their money, clothes, etc.
9. Thou shall not lie to thy parents, because thy will always get caught.
10. Thou shall not gossip or speak badly of others in front of or behind their backs.

I think my fish is dead; it hasn’t moved in the past hour. Oh well.
L.T.

Dear God, make me into a bird, so I can fly far, far far away from here

2004-10-12T02:18:32Z

In this entry, I shall write of my two greatest desires of the hour.

Desire #1: Red Hair

All my life, I have been fascinated by red hair. It’s wild, beautiful, and unique. I think the only genuine redhead that I know personally is Angela Hodges. Whoever ends up with the wig made of her hair from Locks of Love is lucky. My hair has faded a bit from sun exposure, and it’s starting to appear reddish in certain lights again. I don’t think I’m going to dye it anymore, at least not until my hair starts to turn gray (or should I say grey? I can never decide which spelling that I prefer), because people usually look best with their natural color. I mean, you must have been given that color for a reason, right? If I decide to dye it before then, it will definitely be some kind of cherry-brown color. I cannot wait for my hair to grow, either. I’m not going to cut it until it reaches the bottom of my ribcage when it’s straight. I say that every time, but I end up forming these horrifying split ends. How do you people grow your hair so quickly? It’s just crazy.

Desire #2: To Be a Bird

Do you ever want to fly away? I do. If I could be any animal in the world, it would without a doubt be a bird, preferably a graceful one, such as a white dove. When I have one of those I-can’t-take-this-anymore moments, I wish I could just take off into flight without assistance, soaring up into the sky with nothing but the clouds, the endless Louisiana sky, and myself. Free birds are the most privileged of all animals. They do as they please, come and go as they please, and sing until they cannot sing anymore without being told to be silent. They are such beautiful, happy creatures. I could never keep one as a pet. I would be overcome with guilt from keeping it caged up from its right to freedom. Plus, the constant chirping would cause me to have panic attacks. I loathe unnecessary boisterous commotion.

Infinite love,
Little One

P.S. If you could be any animal, what would it be and why?

Is It Snowing In Space? God I wish I could talk to you...

2004-10-08T23:02:34Z

The one thing that I feared the most in life occurred Thursday morning. I was doomed to spend a full class period visiting the horrifying, the terrifying, BROTHER CARL…

…but do not be alarmed fellow students. I am fine, and he only fell asleep in my presence for a mere five seconds. When I first got to his office, he told me how beautiful I was. What a charmer. Then he offered me candy, and he asked me a few questions about school and the like. After I told him that my career-of-choice was in the field of writing or journalism, I zoned out for a few minutes, and when I came back to planet earth he was talking about the Hekisaw tribe in Kenya. It was an odd, uncomfortable setting. His office had combined the scents of nursing homes and cinnamon disks to create an unpleasant aroma. He told me that my hair was too short for Locks of Love, but he also said that I had “BEAUTIFUL HAIRRRRR”, and that I should grow it and donate it. Right.

I’m so sick of this stupid place. I need to go somewhere, somewhere far, far away. I’m sick of all these people, I’m sick of this house, and most of all I’m sick of feeling lonely. The constant rainfall and the pep rally today definitely did not help either. I hate it when water comes from the sky without thunder, I hate loud gatherings with people screaming for really no reason at all, and I hate being ignored when I do not deserve to be. Today was one of the worst days in a while.

It saddens me to know that you have had my constant attention for two years, but I cannot seem to hold yours for more than two weeks at a time.

Lauren Tracy